Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
