Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
