Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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