I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
