you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
