Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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