I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
