There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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