Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize