Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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