Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
3 2 1 whiskey
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
