Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
