my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize