I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They took my balls.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
