I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
