I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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