Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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