Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
