I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
