Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize