Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
