the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
