Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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