dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize