i permit you to call me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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