Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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