Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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