mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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