wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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