everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
