She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
