I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
