I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
