My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
