we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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