Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
