Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You made out with two different species that night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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