I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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