it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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