Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i dont even know how to be here
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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