Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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