OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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