he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
