Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just want to make out with him forever
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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