she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
