Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
