I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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