Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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