you guys were way drunker than both of me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why did my mother make you get naked?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
