So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
