This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
