I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
