Yo dont text me then not text me
I just gift wrapped bread.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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