____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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