People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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