Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
