ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think my mom watched the whole time
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
