Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
