Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
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I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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