A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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