i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
