you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
