yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
