Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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