Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
