this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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