Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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