What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
