I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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